Tuesday, 21 September 2010

Nesco Hypermegamarket are Coming to Town!

Good to finally get my blog off the ground. I'm hoping people won't be too put off by the name. It's just my idea of a little joke

I'm here to give a balanced view on the development down Scretam High Road for a start. No spin, no bullshit, just the facts.

I know there are people opposed to the idea that the Council has of moving the Ice Rink to the car-park and hoping no-one notices they've got a load of skaters trying to ice dance on the concrete (I guess they'll use rollerskates - right? Like Boogie Nights. God, I love that film, but I hope the results aren't the same. Too much sweat and jism for my liking), but it all seems completely sane to me. And that's the subject of this first 'Doublespeak'.

I've invited Brother C. Carson Cheatham (left), leader of Dambeth Council, to explain a little more, and we've got this exclusive piece written by the good burghurs of Nesco Hypermegamarket, on behalf of Brother Cheatham, to explain how the Ice Rink will be knocked down and a big supermarket built in its place. Nesco, sorry, I mean Dambeth Council, has been keen to point out that the original plans have not changed at all and everything will be going ahead as was originally agreed when Ken Livingstone commended Dambeth Council and Nesco Hypermegamarket on their terrific plans for the community!

Two steps further towards Scretam Hub!

Work could start early next year on  the multi-million pound scam that will regenerate Nesco Hypermegamarket's massive profit margin.

Nesco Hypermegamarket, who are dutifully ensuring that the local community are at the heart of the plans to 'pile em high and sell em cheap', expect to continue full steam ahead with the plans they submitted in December 2008.

The scheme entails dumping the Ice Rink atop a concrete car park down a back road in nearby Trixton, meaning that there will be no problem with parking space, except on the top floor where the rink will be precariously balanced.

In addition, Nesco Hypermegamarket have also submitted further plans to flatten the rest of Scretam to build an enlarged discount wines and spirits aisle.

Dambeth Planning will be undertaking 'consultation' with select groups of individuals who agree with the application as part of the planning process.

Gruesome P. Silverblade (below), who is Head of Community Engagement and Big Society for Nesco, said "We're really pleased at the level of excitement in Scretam for our plans. The community have embraced our socially driven, community focused, Big Society centred approach to engagement with all our stakeholders, and that's just lovely. Yo ho ho!

"This is a priority scheme for Nesco's, and we're delivering exactly what the Mayor asked for, and precisely what I told Brother Cheatham we wanted. I hope you all enjoy the terrific discount brands we'll have on sale soon!"

You can find out more about the scheme on the Nesco Megamarket website or by emailing Brother C. Carson Cheatham at Dambeth Council.

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